Download Ebook His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, by Willard F. Harley
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His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, by Willard F. Harley
Download Ebook His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, by Willard F. Harley
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In the classic best-seller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.This revised and expanded edition has been updated throughout and includes new writing that highlights the special significance of intimate emotional needs in marriage.
- Sales Rank: #1945 in Audible
- Published on: 2013-08-06
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 445 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
146 of 155 people found the following review helpful.
a good read
By Jzapper
I read this book about 10 years ago. I remember the first few chapters being amazing because both my husband and I fit exactly with the needs as described. My brother and his wife are going through lots of issues and I decided to see if I could find it here on amazon. I saw it had some one star reviews and twos, and wanted to see what they were given for, because I enjoyed it so much more than that.
I will say, I can see a lot of the points given in those one star reviews. It was written in a different time, true. However.....I didn't get from it what a lot of these people did. For one some saw this as stating that a man was the one who would stray and they were sex driven. Half of that is true, sex is one of the mans top 5 needs. But it did NOT make it sound as if only the man would stray. It isn't even stating that the there will definitely be affairs. Its a helpful insight to help prevent those thoughts. If you just look at the top 5 needs of the woman, and the top 5 needs of the man and think they fit both you and your spouse, then this book can help if you are having issues or had issues and trying to understand or move past them.
You also have to have the 'traditional' sense of family, which you most likely will if the needs fit with your needs.
His needs:............................Her needs:
1. Sexual fulfillment.................1. Affection
2. Recreational companionship.........2. Conversation
3. An attractive spouse...............3. Honesty and openness
4. Domestic support...................4. Financial support
5. Admiration.........................5. Family commitment
So even reading this list you can see its based on the very basic roles of man and woman. Just because there are so many women out there who want that dominating, equal, or independent life doesn't mean its ALL women. There are lots who still want to play the role of taking care of the family and husband and many men who want to be the provider and be taken care of. But both roles have to fit that situation in order for this book to be helpful.
That doesn't mean a two income family wont benefit from this at all. This means you might just have to adjust some of the needs. If you want to find helpful insights you will make and imply the helpful parts and hence it wont be a waste of money. There are no easy fixes or ways to make your marriage work. YOU have to make it work and if you feel you wasted your money then chances are you will continue wasting your money on other resources as well.
My husband and I both benefitted from this. 7 years into my marriage, my husband and I were not in a very happy place. This book made me understand why I started having feeling for another man, even when I logically knew I loved my husband and shouldn't stray. But I sure could have. Luckily I moved away before that went any where, but had I stayed, I know I could have. My husband strayed once as well....at that point is when I got this book, because I KNEW it just wasn't him. Basically he was missing two or three of his needs and I was missing three, but the point is if you know the needs and can understand how you can fill them, you avoid the possibility of straying or even the want of it.
I really hope this helps someone. Even if only one!(my husband and I have been together 21yrs now since 1992 in high school, married in 1994)
75 of 82 people found the following review helpful.
Solid book but sometimes extreme
By Aaron M. Marcelli
His Needs Her Needs is a book that was recommended to me by a pastor. I did not know what to expect from the book but found a lot of the contend helpful.
The entire premise is that you need to safeguard your marriage from an affair. Harley argues that the best way to do this is for each spouse to meet the five essential needs of their partner. He also accurately points out the the top five needs of men are quite different from the top five needs of women. From the conflict my wife and I have had in the past I agree that the needs of husbands and wives are different and I would also agree with Harley's assessment of what the top five needs of women are. I'm not so sure his top five needs of men thesis is air tight.
Much of what he has to say is also based on his self-created premise of the idea of "Love Bank." He says that the reason people love each other is because throughout the course of dating and knowing each other they begin to meet some of each others needs, therefore making "deposits" into each others love bank. We then carry around a balance of love points for each other than are our main source in determining how we feel about our partner (or anyone else for that matter). I think there are things to learn from this theory but I do not believe it is as foundational or all-explaining as the author assumes. He makes the claim that even in long periods of absence our love banks for the most part remain at the balance they were when we were last with the other person. I don't think such is always the case.
The book's outline rotates between the needs of men and the needs of women with each chapter rotating between the two partners and addressing a specific need. Each chapter then ends with a set of questions addressed to the men, a set addressed to the women, and a set for the couple to answer together. This makes the book a great source to read with your partner. The book also has three appendixes with helpful resources such as an interests survey. This helped my wife and I identify some new activities we want to try together. I think he then goes a little to the extreme when he suggests a partner never participate in an activity in which their spouse does not also enjoy and would not participate with them.
A lot of the principles Harley gives are based off real experiences he has seen from counseling many troubled couples. Though he speaks of specific cases I think most married people could identify in part with many of these stories. He speaks with authority and care as well as being very level headed when discussing marital problems and affairs. The final chapters are a guide to dealing with an affair and though that is not my situation I will certainly keep the book on file for use if that situation should ever occur with someone I know.
I would recommend this book to pretty much every married couple as I think there are enough common issues dealt with that every couple can draw something from it.
39 of 46 people found the following review helpful.
Amazing Book! Invaluable for Pre-engaged Couples
By GreenGrassGrowsAllAround
We read this book together before we got engaged, and the way it promotes honesty and awareness of eachother has played a huge part in the success of our relationship and marriage. When I bought it I was impressed by the high sales number and thought it would make a good choice out of sooooo many marriage and relationship books. We are so glad we picked this one; I don't think our relationship would be half as strong without using what we learned here.
The "on your word" recomendation has brought us to a truthful and loving understanding on more occasions than I can count. Contrary to a review about becoming a Stepford Wife, this book helps you be transparent in a loving way and avoid hidden unhappiness. It teaches how to built healthy activity habits that will bring and keep you together....And IT WORKS!
We give it with wedding gifts. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you are on the fence, remember it is probably cheaper than one copay to see a therapist! This book will teach you why and how to set healthy patterns for your relationship, and is a great way to a fantastic long-lasting start.
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